Last October I was sitting in Sacrament meeting and I burst into tears. I don’t know what was being taught or spoken about. I had an overwhelming feeling one of our kids was sad and upset because they missed us so much. It ripped my heart out right then and there. We knew we wanted our kids close, but Evan wasn’t even a year old yet. I told Scott what I was feeling and he told me he felt the same way.
It’s no secret that getting Evan here wasn’t a walk in the park. We lost Baby B, and nearly lost Evan and myself. Not something we take lightly at all. I had a lot of conversations with my Heavenly Father about if I was strong enough to do this again so soon. It took several months of promptings, prayers, blessings, and some insane courage to say okay. I had an inkling when Evan was a newborn that our next baby would be ready before I was. I was grateful I had lost 60 pounds headed into this. I had trained for this.
We told both our families we were doing treatments. We needed as many prayers as we could get. I even posted about it on twitter. I needed support.
We started our first round only for the meds to stop working two weeks in. We were able to catch it before we had to cancel the procedure, but my Dr. started me on a double dose of meds that day. Two weeks of 7.5mg Femara and then when we stalled, she started us on 12.5mg of Femara. All while putting our house on the market. I thought my body was going to explode with the stacked drugs.
Evan accidentally kicked my stomach/side at church and I let out a little scream and burst into tears. I could hardly get to the car. Scott got our family home and I laid in bed crying the rest of the day. The drugs were too much for my body, and the next day at the ultrasound we found out why I was in so much pain. Without the trigger shot my body had launched into overdrive and ovulated multiple eggs on its own. We had to cancel the IUI. We missed it.
I cried angrily to my Heavenly Father. I’m doing my best! This baby is supposed to come! I’m running out of time with my Drs. I love my team. We would have to wait a few months to get set up in Phoenix to try again. I’m trying to say goodbye to all my friends and I can’t get out of bed. During the 18 months it took to get pregnant with Evan I was so positive and game faced with my head down. So positive.
I think Heavenly Father needed to bring me down a little and humble me. Hands down that was the hardest round I’ve ever done. A failed round suddenly made it a reality that giving Evan siblings might not happen or be hard.
Grateful for friends who offered to take Evan and bring dinner. And be my cheerleader.
Somewhere in the middle of the anger and pain I had an overwhelming feeling that Hope & Faith would be easier.
Scott gave me another blessing. We went to Toys R Us and bought our miracle boy whatever we wanted. And spoiled or not it healed our hearts. We rallied. We got an offer on our house and realized that the closing date would give us just enough time to do another round.
This time it worked perfectly.
12.5mg Femara, extra ultrasounds. We had three good sized follicles but at our extra ultrasound one follicle dominated at 23mm and three (another grew) 14mm. Anything over 18 is ideal for triggering. We did the trigger shot knowing we would probably only have one follicle go. With Evan & Baby B we triggered 4 follicles.
Fingers crossed!
Happy little owl timer.
We did the IUI and it went perfectly. I was on bedrest for two days and started the Devil Progesterone. And we moved five days later with me not being allowed to lift anything.
After getting to Phoenix late Wednesday, camping in our house til Sunday when our stuff got delivered. Monday unpacking. Scott flying out to Texas Monday night. Tuesday was another run in with the fire department. (Everything’s fine) Wednesday I got up early to take Evan to my sister Kristin’s 45mins away to do bloodwork. Because of the time change my Dr didn’t get our results Wednesday.
Wednesday night my baby sister opened her mission Call to the Philippines.
Thursday morning we used the time change to our advantage and called our nurse Caitlin at 6:30am Arizona time. Scott and I conference called the fertility center.
“I just pulled it off the fax AND YOU’RE PREGNANT!!!!”
We both sobbed.
My HCG was 85.
Anything over 30 is pregnant.
With our twins it was 56.
Two days later we did more bloodwork and it was supposed to double.
247.
Nearly tripled!!!!!
We are officially pregnant.
God is so good.
We have a lot of plans to survive this pregnancy and hopefully thrive. Our new house has a lap pool two minutes away. Water calms my anxiety and I want to be strong. I would like to avoid bedrest as much as possible. It broke my heart not to be able to lift my meatball. We have plans to see a counselor to give us emotional tools to combat a traumatic delivery. And best of all. This time we’re close to family.
I’m already sick. Thrown up a couple times, and the Progesterone is still beating me down pretty bad, but honestly I couldn’t be more grateful. We listened, we fought, and there is a miracle baby(ies) in my tummy right now.
We won’t know if that big follicle split til we have an ultrasound at about 6.5weeks. But one or two we’ll take them all.
We love you baby, we’ve missed you too. ❤️❤️
Update: April 6th, 2018
One, healthy strong, beautiful baby!!! I was terrified this morning going into the ultrasound. My sweet Scott was excited. My HCG had gone up to 4,309 at my third pregnancy test. With our twins at the third pregnancy test my HCG was 981. I don’t ever want to feel what it’s like to have to give my baby back to God again. Completely out of my control, but my deepest worry in my Momma heart. I think we were both relieved to see one perfect baby.
My dear sister Kristin drove an hour to take care of Evan so Scott could go with me. She had him playing chase before we left and it made my heart explode. I’ve had quite a few down days already and we both needed some playtime for him badly.
We staged a photo shoot as soon as we got home. Evan consumed a surprising amount of flour using a whisk as his spoon, and we had a blast.
Grateful, excited and nauseous.
We’re having a baby!!
