Friday, February 26, 2016

IUI #1 - Failed

I didn't sleep well last night. The progesterone gives me crazy dreams and last night Scott woke me up because I screamed and was sweating like crazy. Glad I get a break from the progesterone for a few weeks. 

Part of me didn't want to go do blood this morning. I was feeling like at least in this moment I'm still pregnant, but it could all be over in a few hours. Bloodwork didn't go as well, they always seem to have a hard time getting a vein. So they usually use a smaller needle and go into my forearm. First spot didn't work and she fished until I was going to puke. 
Second spot worked but was going super slow. Turns out the progesterone makes your blood thicker and trying to get it through a smaller needle was a little rough. After, Scott brought me home and I had a big nap. 

We still hadn't heard so we decided to call at three. 

Not pregnant. 

The most frustrating thing is we don't have any reasons why it's not working.

Lots of tears today and I imagine there will be more tears tomorrow. 

But one of the best things I know about myself is I know I'm determined and know how to fight for what I want and not give up. And I married someone who's no quitter either. 

Our hearts are broken, but we'll get through this. Next round of drugs starts next week. 

The fourth quarter continues. We're ready. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

Waiting Game

Well the house is spotless.

We're talking like even wiped down the hand rails to stairs clean. 

Today wasn't a bad day, in fact it was really good. I went to the fabric store and worked on stuff for New Beginnings, cleaned like a crazy person, had dinner/FHE/played games with Scott. All good things.

Trying to stay as busy as possible to make Friday come sooner seems like a good plan, but I can't stop thinking about it. We want this so bad. Do you know we've been praying for this baby over 500 days now? That's a lot of days. This last round of drugs and the procedure really kicked my bum. And I'm really scared we're going to have to do it again. If we do that's okay, and I'll have a great attitude, but oh we are so close. We have done everything right, and I'm leaving this one up to God. 

I've submitted tons of timing proposals to him over the past 500 days and I imagine he's been working on it for awhile. I really like that guy. He's very good to me. 

But I imagine I'll need to keep giving myself pep talks over the next 3.5 days. 

Also can we talk about how the progesterone I'm taking everyday so the baby(ies) stick give you insane dreams? I would really like to stop dreaming about falling into the Sea Lion tank or Scott growing a man bun. 

C'mon Baby, we're so ready for you.

Rinse and Repeat.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

One week down, one to go!

We made it through the first week! After the procedure I was pretty tired.. And more tired.. I am so glad Scott did the groceries last week. I  have about a 2-2.5 hr window of being up and out and about before I need to come home and rest. It's been pretty humbling, but it's for a great cause. I've had a couple good days this week where I've been able to go for a walk and run errands. Spirits have been high, but it really makes me sad not to have the energy to keep my house clean and make dinner for Scott. Scott has been such a sweetheart in picking up the slack. He's much better at having an eternal perspective and knowing this won't last forever. We really wanted to go see a new show at Sea World today so we timed it so I wouldn't have to be walking too much in the sunshine before the show. One of those fun side affects from the progesterone meds I'm on to make the baby(ies) stick is dizzy + nausea. We had a wonderful time at Sea World and I even felt good enough to stop at Costco on the way home. 

Which was great, but it was borderline pushing it. As soon as we got home I made my self some food to knock the dizzy nausea out, and then found my couch. 

Just a little tired. 

My amazing husband on the other hand just started the laundry and cleaned the bathrooms so we'll be ready for Sunday. 

Gosh I'm so grateful for him, he is working so hard. I can't wait to be feeling even better and taking care of my sweet husband soon. 

We're getting so excited for Friday. It's going to work! 

And now some more naps for Jess. 😂

Friday, February 12, 2016

Game day!

We made it!

The procedure went great. Scott asked the sweet nurse if it was normal to be so exhausted. And she said yes, most definitely. I'm afraid we both look pretty spent emotionally and physically. But we are SO HAPPY in this picture. We made it to the finish line! 

After the procedure they had me lay still for about ten minutes. It was an uncomfortable procedure, but as soon as they were done I felt so relieved. And really proud of us, and my body. This has been a really hard process, but I'm so proud of how hard we've worked for this. 

Scott took me home and decided to work from home to keep an eye on me. I was so relieved I fell asleep for a four hour nap. I told my sister in law Shannon about that and she responded with "a nap is the best kind of victory lap." I love her. It's so true. 

It felt a lot like being swollen, with cramps and a sunburn on my stomach. I moved from the bed to the couch and just relaxed. Scott is so good to me. I really had to focus to relax during the procedure and I know it's not easy for him to not be able to help me. I guess my face wasn't so good at pretending I wasn't hurting. When I woke up from my nap he was going through grocery store ads and making a grocery list. 

He planned dinners, went to three different stores, picked up dinner and a beautiful bouquet of roses for me. Best. Valentine's. Ever. 

And crystal lite was back in stock. I almost started crying. Mostly because I love the inside joke of crystal lite and just how long this journey has been. 

Sleeping was a little rough last night, but eventually I figured out how to get comfortable and slept really well. Woke up feeling tons better. Not nearly as sore or crampy, just a little nauseous when I'm hungry. It's so nice to feel on the up&up. I even cleaned up the kitchen today! 

We start the last medication tomorrow to hopefully help the baby(ies) stick. 

We officially find out in 13 days! 

Monday, February 8, 2016

Day 12 Ultrasound!

Yesterday was the mid-cycle ultrasound. Basically this ultrasound sets the schedule for the rest of the procedures. Because of the timing we were scheduled before church on Sunday. I didn't sleep very well the night before. I always get really nervous before this ultrasound because these drugs are so hard on my body and what if heaven forbid there aren't any follicles in there? What if it wasn't worth it? What if I have to take more drugs? 

It was so worth it! We have three happy follicles, which high five body, I grew those in 12 days thank you very much. We have THREE follicles! Two 15mm and one 13mm. They grow an average of 2mm a day. Anything over 18mm is great for ovulation. So on Wednesday I'll go in and they'll give me the HCG trigger shot. Wednesday will be a fun day with my ovaries feeling like swollen grapefruits, and then Thursday morning Scott will go in, and then I'll go in, and they'll do the IUI and hopefully everything sticks. We should hopefully have two 21mm and one 19mm. All good numbers! 

This was at the fertility center after the ultrasound. We couldn't stop smiling, both of us feel so good about this round. 

I realize there is a chance of triplets, but I think those chances are pretty low. I'm mostly just grateful we have three chances for at least one to stick!

Scott taught his primary class about Nephi and the broken bow on Sunday. We were talking about how God can do nothing if you don't put the work in, and with the two extra drugs and the actual IUI procedure we're adding this round. We both feel like we're doing everything possible for this to work. 

We also are pretty giddy, it feels like everything is falling into place from the insurance to the timing. February sounds like a great month to get pregnant. 

p.s. You're worth it baby, and we won't give up until you're here in our arms. We love you!

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Grow Follicles Grow!

We are finally done with the yuck drugs! Haven't had a nauseous headache in a few days and I'm pretty dang happy about it. Still getting hot flashes which make me a real treat to hang out with, sweating buckets at young women's trying to teach the girls how to sew bonnets is a real party. But we made it. I'm now in the exhausted all the time now stage of the cycle. Last time we grew three follicles in 11 days and that's a lot of work on a body! I have a normal sleep schedule now and a lot of the time take naps on the floor. Because sometimes tired hits and it's time to nap. Stairs are really tricky for me, I'm afraid I walk like I'm drunk most of the time, it's just my body is exhausted. Scott helps me with the stairs and has started a collection of pictures of my exhausted naps. 

Made it all the way to the landing! 

Realizing I'm wearing the same outfit and these pictures were from two different cycles. I just love my Hello Apparel sweatshirt that much. 

Lil sleepy exhausted girl in my spot. I used a lot of energy going to youth last night. It's kinda crazy sleeping 10hours and waking up exhausted. But I will gladly take exhausted over nauseous headaches. I'm getting so excited for Sunday's ultrasound. Hoping for some good sized follicles! 

You're worth it baby. 


Your sleepy Mama

Monday, February 1, 2016



I didn't go to church yesterday. On Saturday I coached the young women's basketball game. I was a little nervous about the game because I wasn't feeling well and I knew if we started to lose it would be my job to cheer and motivate the girls to dig out of the hole. What a wonderful blessing to stay ahead the whole game and win our first game! 

After the game we came home and I rested for an hour before we went to Sea World. It was Pass Members only day and we thought it would be deserted. We were very wrong. We waited in the sun in a line for forty minutes. We went to one show and left. We stopped for food on the way home because I was nauseous and we were both a little cranky from the crowds.

Sea World wasn't my best idea, I wanted to take advantage of feeling okay but the reality is these drugs are no joke. I had a three hour nap when we got home. Woke up for food and slept some more. I woke up feeling really nauseous with bad headaches. Those headaches are the devil. My goal this round was to avoid throwing up. I threw up a lot before bedtime. My body was exhausted. I crawled into bed and fell asleep fast. Very unlike me. The next morning Scott woke me up to get ready for church but my body was too tired. I told Scott maybe we could go to the last hour (sacrament) so I could rest some more. Woke up nauseous again and church just wasn't going to happen. By the time I was relatively awake it was time for the next dose of drugs. I had another nap and Scott stayed with me and worked on his app checking on me. 

Today I did much better, I slept in again but I was feeling good enough to get a low impact workout in, make dinner, and shower/get ready before Scott got home. No throwing up today and headaches have been minimal. It sounds like a simple day but I'm pretty proud of it. I think the first three days of Femara are a big reality check to my system. Day four (today) I think I've adjust some. I would gladly take exhausted over nauseous and headaches. Only one more day of drugs tomorrow. Ultrasound on Sunday. I'm really happy, this cycle has been hard, but I think this is the most calm and happy I've been. I can't help but feel everything is falling in place for this one to work. 

Any progress is progress.