Welcome Baby Graham

This is what we came for. I repeated to myself as we cranked up Hard to Handle by the Black Crowes at 4:30am heading to the hospital. I could hardly sleep the night before. Anxious, grateful, worried about Evan, I couldn’t believe we had finally made it. I told Scott I was feeling nauseous and literally 10ft from the hospital doors I threw up. Just needed some drama I guess. I told our team I was nauseous and they got us prepped for surgery. I knew Scott couldn’t be there with me during the spinal and I told him he needed to get dressed as fast as possible. They were even nice enough to let him dress before they took me back. Being separated from Scott is a big trigger point for me and they knew that. Scott made a joke about his paper scrubs and my backless gown and this being our hottest date of the year and we couldn’t help but laugh. We were so full of joy. I always want to remember that feeling. The payoff that we had fought so hard for. There are kisses that Scott and I have shared at huge points in our life together and this was one of them. He gave me a big kiss and pulled me into him one last time and I knew I could do this. 

They told me I got to walk into the operating room and that walk down the hallway made me feel like Rocky Balboa. Watch me walk in there completely in control of my situation without fear. 

I had the sweetest nurse to get me through the spinal, and she managed to keep me calm when it missed like last time and only got my left side. The anesthesiologist worked super fast and got it in place. They laid me down and I started to panic because I needed to throw up but I was already numb from the chest down and couldn’t breathe or turn my body being flat on my back. I was able to get the nurse’s attention and threw up 3x while they tried to get the right meds in me. Nurses don’t get paid enough. When they finally let Scott back I burst into tears. I am at my best when he’s with me. 

I was able to explain to him what had happened and I really don’t remember what he said but he kissed my head and all of a sudden I was calm. Scott asked me before what he could do to help me get through the surgery and I told him I needed his hand on me at all times. Something to ground me. I wanted Graham’s birth to be a positive experience so badly. The birth of a child is one of the greatest moments of your life, and I was determined to not be robbed of that. 

I get that last time was an emergency, but shoutouts to spinals instead of  epidural to a spinal. Once they got all my meds right (and it only took about 10 mins) I was probably the most comfortable I’ve been in 9 months. The nicest nurse draped me in warm blankets, Scott had his hand on me talking me through the whole thing. The anesthesiologist was super nice to me and our entire medical team was happy and chatting confidently to each other. Small things, but it was like checking off each of my anxiety boxes saying that trauma was not going to happen to me today. Dr. Tom did a beautiful job, and all of our concerns turned out to be just fine. Thank you to Dr. V for doing such a great job in tough conditions last time. My body didn’t have too much scar tissue, and all the extra fluid and bleeding we were worried about didn’t require a blood transfusion, extra meds or anything like that. I didn’t even hemorrhage! 

I really didn’t feel much physically until they pulled Graham out and I took my first deep breath. As soon as they announced he was out we both started to cry. Our miracle boy was here safe.

Graham didn’t scream at first and I started to panic asking if he was okay. Once Scott made sure I was okay, he went to Graham. After what felt like an eternity we heard him cry. The most beautiful sound in the world. 

And then they announced he weighed 9lbs 15oz.

SERIOUSLY?! 

They weren’t joking when they said he could be ten pounds. He literally was. 

I’ve never felt so validated in my whole life. I carried a ten pound baby. 

Then a nurse came over to me and started asking if Scott has ever fainted before?! And another nurse was leading Scott back to me. I’ve never seen him so white. Something was clearly wrong. The nurses decided that if he stood up he was going down, so they helped him lay down on the OR floor with his feet up while they got him some juice. 

Then from the other direction they brought Graham to me and put him on my chest. Scott was a good sport and we laughed about his little “high maintenance “ episode. If you know Scott you know he is one of the most selfless people alive, and he bends over backward to take care of me. The timing of this happening to him was fairly comical. Between me throwing up and Scott on the floor the anesthesiologist asked if we were okay to be parents or if he should call social services. Yeah, you betcha we’re ready for number 2. 

The best part of the delivery was the nurse held Graham on my chest. They only moved him to a bassinet to wheel us to recovery. And then I got to hold him again as long as I wanted. We sent pictures to our families letting everyone know we were all here safe and sound and my parents were already in the waiting room with Evan to meet Graham. 

We named Graham, Graham Samuel Daly.

His name means “God Hears” and how fitting our last name is Daly. God Hears Da(i)ly

I felt prompted that a sweet spirit was missing us a month before Evan turned one. Still recovering from getting Evan here I was terrified. “God, how can I possibly do this again so soon? How can I risk my life again now that I already have a baby? How will I survive mentally without my medication? How will I be able to do fertility treatments and put our house on the market? How will I survive a pregnancy without my Texas friends? How can I trust that we will even be able to get pregnant in the short time before we move?” 

And the answer I got back was be still, and give it to God, this baby needs you. They miss you, they miss Scott and Evan.  And so I did. I laid down my trial to Heavenly Father every day and said I will be faithful, but I need you to carry me because I don’t know how we’re going to do this. My God is a faithful God, and He has carried me every single day this year. There were so many hard days, and I’m sure more hard days to come, but as I sat in the recovery room with this sweet boy on my chest I knew. I knew I had been carried to the finish line. 

A perfect name, for a perfect little boy. It is one of my greatest hopes for him that he will always see the miracles in his life and know that God hears him. 

This is what we came for. This is what we fought for. I just didn’t know it was going to be this sweet.