Angels and Hydrangeas

Welp. Tomorrow's the big day. (Thursday)I've been much calmer this time around as far as the anxiety of the results go. It's been far too consuming getting a handle on the rage and the crying. So I guess yay for a distraction? This time has felt so different, I feel like the progesterone is working more because I'm having a harder time, and maybe it feels like it's working because it's actually supporting the baby(ies) inside of me. 

Fertility treatments have presented hormonal combinations most people can't even dream of for Scott to navigate.  I hope we have four daughters, because Scott is the most level headed man I know. Teenage girls need that. He came home from work to an angry wife because I was so upset it's so expensive to clean my wedding dress, and I want to make a blessing dress out of it for the daughter we don't have yet. But we've been spending money on fixing our flowerbed which is something I really want. Scott very sweetly told me that even if that's not the first thing on the list he would make sure that we get it done and our daughter would have her dress. So then I cried because it was sweet, and then we went and worked on the dirt patch. It was finally all prepped with the right dirt but this month's flowerbed budget for the project was spent all on dirt. Which is what we agreed to. We made a fantastic gameplan for our finances a couple of months ago so we're both happy and both get a chunk to save or spend every two weeks. I love it. It's really so gratifying to stay in the budget.  (Gosh this is carrying on.) 

But my Mom sent me this. 

Money for flowers! It was so fun! We ran to Lowe's and I got to pick out my flowers for Easter and it filled my lonely heart right to the brim. 

We planted while I listened to Women's Conference and after I was done I posted a picture saying I had been struggling lately, but tonight really cheered me up. A good friend from Girls Camp commented and invited me to lunch on Tuesday. We had the BEST time today. We sat and talked for three hours before we realized what time it was. I really needed that today and I needed her. 

But on Sunday a sister came up to me and told me she was trying to talk herself out of this, but she really felt like I needed a hug. She said she had noticed my post and that she thought she may have struggled with what I was struggling with and pointed to her four kids and said they took a really long time to get here. But there is hope. I could have melted right there. Sisterhood is a powerful thing. I don't think I stopped talking about it all day. It was such a tender mercy for me. 

Infertility can feel so lonely trapped in your mind. I didn't even publicly announce we were struggling with this and these women just knew. Knew I needed some hope and some strength this week. I am not alone, and I am going to be a mother. 

Now to get through the next 36hours. 

Oh and crazy town dream update. I bought some new emotional aromatherapy blends from Doterra and one is really helping calm my anxiety so I can sleep better, and I tried this other one on Scott and he's stopped sleep talking! How cool is that? Dreams have toned down a bit, but if you're wondering if I can take down a terrorist trying to get to my girls at girls camp I totally can.