Wednesday, January 27, 2016


Second Christmas with No news.

Through this trial of infertility I have been determined to genuinely be happy for my friends and family who are having babies. I'm sure you've guessed by now that that's been harder lately and the latest cycle failed.

They upped the Femara from 7.5mg to 12mg. My body made three follicles in 11 days this time. Ovulating those three might have been the hardest most painful thing I've done. At one point we were walking down the side walk after getting snow cones and I told Scott "grab the baby, grab the baby!"  He took my niece Tenley from me and I doubled over. It was pretty hard to walk. I was so exhausted once I tried three times to go downstairs and ended up taking a nap on the top stair because that was easier. 

I think I set myself up for more heartbreak this round because I could see all three beautiful follicles, and I worked hard to grow those three. I even let my mind wander to what we could name out triplets. I think because it was such a small chance of triplets actually happening it was fun to fixate on and it gave me hope. Finding out the week before Christmas is really hard. This is the second Christmas we don't have baby news. 

I keep praying to find the Christmas spirit, and find some hope. I just thought everything was so perfect last round it was going to work. We're taking a month off and in January Dr. James is adding a second drug to keep my uterus all nice and cozy for baby and we will be doing an IUI and bed rest. 

Trying to be nice to myself I chopped 3in off my hair and bought Scott a Star Wars shirt.

I watched all the Star Wars movies with him this week in preparation. We really had a good time. 

But Anakin and Padme get pregnant with twins after having a picnic? 

What the crap is that? 

Maybe I should stick to Harry Potter. 

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