9•24•2015

After August and we weren't pregnant again we decided to spend our UT/AZ trip not worrying about babies and enjoying our families. We made the decision that after we got home we would go to the Fertility Specialist. After initial bloodwork and ultrasounds on paper there is nothing wrong with us. Neat. Dr. James decided to do a 5mg Femara Cycle with a Trigger Shot. 

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In a few short hours I will take the last dosage of Femara. Tonight we picked up the trigger shot at the pharmacy, the trigger shot that our insurance won't pay for. We knew that dealing with infertility is expensive. (Did I just acknowledge that we struggle with infertility? It's been a hard year.) 

Scott has such an amazing job that provides for this big, beautiful, dream of a life we share. Tonight I just feel so vulnerable and nervous. While we face this trial hand in hand, there is so much pressure on my body to respond appropriately to the medication and do what it was designed to do. If this cycle doesn't work we will keep trying, we will get our babies here. But what if my body can't figure it out?? I know that Scott cares about the finances but he doesn't really care about baby finances.He's doing everything and anything to make sure our babies get here and get here safely. He's just incredible like that. 

Oh and Scott/I is supposed to shoot up my ovary with this trigger shot?! That thing was a lot of money and neither of us want to screw it up. Mostly because the timing is delicate and who knows what if I panic that my sweet endearing husband is about to put a needle in my stomach? What if he freaks out that he has to do this? 

Also I've been super grateful that my body hasn't had too many side effects from the Femara, except I have had several kitchen floor meltdowns over important things like getting our air ducts cleaned and if my carpet is really this color or if it's dirty.and that it's going to be hot forever. Also, I got mad that Scott wouldn't let me pop a zit on the back of his head. Apparently "my family" likes to pop things and he is patient. 

Good grief I sound like a mental person. 

Does anyone else think it's an oversight for fertility meds to make the woman crazy? I mean, it's hard to be desirable when you're trying not to rage over air ducts and "toxins in the sky." 

Basically Scott just keeps feeding me peanut m&ms and telling me I'm pretty and letting me do whatever projects I want. He is the best example of what it means to love unconditionally, and I am grateful I get to love him so fiercely. 

Dear Baby, this is why you get an amazing Dad.. Because sometimes Mom is crazy. 

Ps. It's going to work, and we can't wait to meet you.