3•7•2015

3/7/15

I miss our babies. 

Last night was a hard one. Remember how everything was going so right? It was a lie. I came up with a crazy idea to make Scott take an ovulation test just so I could know if it was working. I mean the first two blinking smiley faces were fine, but FIVE?? Something was off, I knew it in my heart. After the initial sillies of Scott taking an ovulation test wore off, my sweet husband took a test to see if it was broken. Basically you put a new test stick into the reader, take it, and then the results pop up. 

Well. Scott got himself a blinking smiley too. On the one hand, clearly we're both fertile. On the other it really just broke my heart. We tried to laugh, but Scott saw right through me. We made brownies and ate ice cream and snuggled on the couch. Obviously we're not out of this cycle for a few more weeks, but oh was it a shot to my hope. 

I finally fell asleep at 2am last night, worrying about temperatures and ovulating. Last cycle I was worried we didn't ovulate at all, and then day 25 we had a shot. 

I called Lindsay today so I could be on the phone with someone while I checked out of Target buying more tests. I didn't want to have to make small talk with the cashier. Then I started to get to work on Scott's birthday plans trying to avoid taking another test I didn't believe in. I called my Mom to tell her about my plans for Scott's birthday cake and the first thing out of her mouth was "I need you to have a little girl now." Aunt LaPrele gave her a little green dress, smocked with a Peter Pan collar. I mean seriously? Surely that's a sign from the Heavens not to give up hope that our babies will come soon. 

I scrolled through 4 pregnancy announcements tonight.

I also imagined our baby girl in that beautiful green dress, calling her by the name we've already picked out, snuggling her close between us. 

And if one of our boys comes to us first we might just have to put that green dress on him too ;) and OH we'll snuggle him close. And kiss his chubby cheeks. 

And tonight before we crawled into bed Scott wrapped his big, strong arm around my shoulders and I prayed deeply for strength, patience, and hope. 

One day:)